Today;s Joke

[Mike Peeler]

What did the youth of the 80s have?

That the youth of today don't have.













Two genders.

[Johnny Thunder]

 

[teamboro]

Fun

[Blott]

Without being serious I thought a lad in here brought up a good point. When you die, they do an autopsy, will you be a man,  a woman, I can't see anything else.

[Blott]

Bernard Manning: a Jewish bloke is skint and prays to god to win the lottery, he doesn't, the following week the asks the same with the no win this goes on for 6 weeks, eventually God says to him, you have to go half way with me, buy a ticket.

[AtomicDog]

A beautiful woman invited Me back to Her place

Following a little Smalltalk She asked Me if I wanted to strip naked and go to town.
Things were going well . . . until the bus driver refused to let Me on and called the police

[BoroRedKen]

Without being serious I thought a lad in here brought up a good point. When you die, they do an autopsy, will you be a man,  a woman, I can't see anything else.

Aye that was me Blotts.

Claims of misgendering galore.

[Blott]

Without being serious I thought a lad in here brought up a good point. When you die, they do an autopsy, will you be a man,  a woman, I can't see anything else.

Aye that was me Blotts.

Claims of misgendering galore.

it's simple he would be a bloke, she would be a woman, they would be a bloke or a woman depending if they had a dick or not.

I fully accept that people have a choice if they want to be gay, they don't have a choice how they were born.

[tunstall]

What did the youth of the 80s have?

That the youth of today don't have.













Two genders.

Jimmy Saville

[In With the Lurpak]

Wife said the cat needs chipping !!

I only had a one wood but still managed to get it over the shed

[Bud Wiser]

Got in an elevator with Michael Carrick the other day. "Gong down?" I asked.

"Aye, looks that way" was the reply.

[AtomicDog]

As it was a nice afternoon today Me and Colin thought we'd go down the lake and paint some watercolours of crested Grebe's

Then we remembered we don't live anywhere near a lake. To make matters worse we don't know anything about bird's and wouldn't know a Grebe if it pecked us on the snout.
And I'm rubbish at painting, Colin can't hold the brushes in his big daft paws either!

So we had our dinner and watched some telly instead.

[AtomicDog]

When we settled down to watch TV . . .

We had Steph's packed lunch on more four, cos we've missed it all week.

"Russ do you think Steph has had a makeover, she's looking very glamorous"?

'You know what Colin I think she has mate . . .  I didn't recognise Her at first'

[Johnny Thunder]

 

[LIDDLE_TOWERS999]

Bernard Manning: a Jewish bloke is skint and prays to god to win the lottery, he doesn't, the following week the asks the same with the no win this goes on for 6 weeks, eventually God says to him, you have to go half way with me, buy a ticket.

RACIST.... REPORTED 👍

[Mike Peeler]

A couple of gags to get the working week started.


What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?






The wedding ring.





 





I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time, a husband says to his wife.








She has think about it for a moment and then replies, Your cocks bigger than your brother's. 

[Mike Peeler]

When we settled down to watch TV . . .

We had Steph's packed lunch on more four, cos we've missed it all week.

"Russ do you think Steph has had a makeover, she's looking very glamorous"?

'You know what Colin I think she has mate . . .  I didn't recognise Her at first'

Fucking hell.... naughty but funny that

[AtomicDog]

Me and Russ are just on our way back from our weekly shop at Asda.
Some right comedians work in supermarkets . . .

I asked the Man behind the meat counter to show us his best mince and he said:

"Shure, this is it"

Whereupon he put a hand on his hip the other out from his side, with a limp wrist  and walked up and down on his tiptoes like John (I'M FREE!) Inman.

Where do they get these staff from?
 Honestly!  . . . Russ was furious and had to be escorted off the premises
🐾
🐾

[AtomicDog]

[Johnny Thunder]

 

[AtomicDog]

They're all at it now . . .

Where there's blame there's a claim

[Mike Peeler]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur...?


A Lickalotopus. 








What do you call a cheap circumcision?.




A rip-off .

[AtomicDog]

[AtomicDog]

It always gets us when we use the self service check out at Aldi and it says "Unexpected item"

We have thought surely it's fully expected it to get a pack of sirloins or a bag of kibble?

 We would be less surprised if we dumped say, a 1970's Mexico escort twin cam engine or Jacques Cousteau's rebreather on the weigher . . . Yeah, that would make more sense

[Johnny Thunder]