FROM NOW ON

[BoroRedKen]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

[Francks left peg]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

I'll give you an hour, Kenny before you bring the place back up 😁😂

[BoroRedKen]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

I'll give you an hour, Kenny before you bring the place back up 😁😂

I cant pull the wool over some eyes can i Franck?

I need to do something because my head is battered.

Ill, not sleeping, diet all over the shop. And like i said before im sick of being angry all the time. Something needs to give.

With everything going on in my life forgetting about OTR is probably the easiest option for me.

Im not ashamed to say they hurt me bad with the Carmen thread. They saw a vulnerable moment, and tbh fair fucks to them, they attacked.

Im ashamed to admit it. Im ashamed i have not hunted Baddad down and beaten the cunt to within an inch of his life. But i cant change that.
What i can change is what happens to me from this moment on.

What i can change is self inflicting myself by getting too worked up by them.

It needs to stop. I need to stop.

  

[BoroRedKen]

I have to separate Nekder from Kenny.

Maybe its time to meet my alter ego Cantstoplaughing.

Only problem, and i apologise for the language, CSL is a cunt..................

[cantstoplaffin]

Fucking fanny.

Cry me a river Nekder.

[BoroRedKen]

Now do people finally believe i have lost the plot?

But i know loads on various "forums" that have convos with themselves....................

[Francks left peg]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

I'll give you an hour, Kenny before you bring the place back up 😁😂

I cant pull the wool over some eyes can i Franck?

I need to do something because my head is battered.

Ill, not sleeping, diet all over the shop. And like i said before im sick of being angry all the time. Something needs to give.

With everything going on in my life forgetting about OTR is probably the easiest option for me.

Im not ashamed to say they hurt me bad with the Carmen thread. They saw a vulnerable moment, and tbh fair fucks to them, they attacked.

Im ashamed to admit it. Im ashamed i have not hunted Baddad down and beaten the cunt to within an inch of his life. But i cant change that.
What i can change is what happens to me from this moment on.

What i can change is self inflicting myself by getting too worked up by them.

It needs to stop. I need to stop.

  

Did you go ahead with the grief counselling, mate?

[BoroRedKen]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

I'll give you an hour, Kenny before you bring the place back up 😁😂

I cant pull the wool over some eyes can i Franck?

I need to do something because my head is battered.

Ill, not sleeping, diet all over the shop. And like i said before im sick of being angry all the time. Something needs to give.

With everything going on in my life forgetting about OTR is probably the easiest option for me.

Im not ashamed to say they hurt me bad with the Carmen thread. They saw a vulnerable moment, and tbh fair fucks to them, they attacked.

Im ashamed to admit it. Im ashamed i have not hunted Baddad down and beaten the cunt to within an inch of his life. But i cant change that.
What i can change is what happens to me from this moment on.

What i can change is self inflicting myself by getting too worked up by them.

It needs to stop. I need to stop.

  

Did you go ahead with the grief counselling, mate?

They did not ring mate. They are trialing this workshop thing where a few of you are online and on camera from home. Im not really comfortable with that.
I have no doubt it will work for some.

A bit of me just thinks its a way of clearing the back log for`121 appointments.

[Ravishing Rick Rude]

Kenny, fmttm has fucked with your head for years, yet none of those cunts are worth a breath of your air.

You'll have your day.

[Francks left peg]

I shall remain "radio silent" about Fmttm.

Im done boring people with it.

I shall just continue to chip away in the background.

To the winner the spoils eh Rob?

I'll give you an hour, Kenny before you bring the place back up 😁😂

I cant pull the wool over some eyes can i Franck?

I need to do something because my head is battered.

Ill, not sleeping, diet all over the shop. And like i said before im sick of being angry all the time. Something needs to give.

With everything going on in my life forgetting about OTR is probably the easiest option for me.

Im not ashamed to say they hurt me bad with the Carmen thread. They saw a vulnerable moment, and tbh fair fucks to them, they attacked.

Im ashamed to admit it. Im ashamed i have not hunted Baddad down and beaten the cunt to within an inch of his life. But i cant change that.
What i can change is what happens to me from this moment on.

What i can change is self inflicting myself by getting too worked up by them.

It needs to stop. I need to stop.

  

Did you go ahead with the grief counselling, mate?

They did not ring mate. They are trialing this workshop thing where a few of you are online and on camera from home. Im not really comfortable with that.
I have no doubt it will work for some.

A bit of me just thinks its a way of clearing the back log for`121 appointments.

Maybe you should get back on to them. Give one a go. You never know, Ken. 😊

[BoroRedKen]

Cheers Franck.

Tbh i keep changing my mind about it.

I feel a "bit stupid".

Been involved in that kind of work for years but i cant find my own answers.

But are we not our own worst critics?

I know the good counselling can do. I still have cards and notes from people i have tried to help thanking me over the years.
Recently i have re-read some and find some comfort in them.

I know it probs sounds bonkers to most people but inspiration "fires" me. I try to remember the people i 1st met and then the person that was at the end. The difference and resilience in some really does astound me.
I just sat there and "active listened". A few hmms and oks. A few "how did that make you feel"? and a few "what would need to change to make things feel and seem better"?

The people sorted their own thoughts and reasoning out themselves tbh.

Maybe thats my "blockage" about counselling?.

[Francks left peg]

Cheers Franck.

Tbh i keep changing my mind about it.

I feel a "bit stupid".

Been involved in that kind of work for years but i cant find my own answers.

But are we not our own worst critics?

I know the good counselling can do. I still have cards and notes from people i have tried to help thanking me over the years.
Recently i have re-read some and find some comfort in them.

I know it probs sounds bonkers to most people but inspiration "fires" me. I try to remember the people i 1st met and then the person that was at the end. The difference and resilience in some really does astound me.
I just sat there and "active listened". A few hmms and oks. A few "how did that make you feel"? and a few "what would need to change to make things feel and seem better"?

The people sorted their own thoughts and reasoning out themselves tbh.

Maybe thats my "blockage" about counselling?.

Maybe it is, Ken. However, it may be worth while to give it a go. From your counselling background you know it's non judgemental, useful and can help massively. Possibly, for you, it won't be a load of HMS and okays. In terms of the inspiration and fire, you clearly have that in abundance, but it ain't helping ATM. If you need a chat mate, give me a message. Hope you are ok.

[BoroRedKen]

Im ok but not all the time. I think thats clear lately.

Im lucky in a way.

I have some mates (yes from here) that dont pull any punches with me. They know with me i accept and respect honesty from them.

They contact me if they think im a bit "unstable". And they help me shake it off.

I am also very lucky that i have 1 "child" that is really being a daughter to me. When she tells me she loves me and admires me (knowing what Carmen meant to me) for soldiering on through all my crap man that boosts me no end.

But thank you Franck. Knowing there are hands out there ready to grab mine when i reach out genuinely makes me blub like a baby.

    

[BoroRedKen]

And im not embarrassed to say them things.