SOME PEOPLE

[In With the Lurpak]

      

[In With the Lurpak]

                    

[AtomicDog]

Me and Joe were watching men and motors the other day. The program was about pest control, this episode was about Trafalgar Square.
The men were talking about pigeon's, crapping on the lion's, statue's, being a general pest, that sort of stuff . . .


I said
'Joe what would you do if a bird shit on your head'?

He said

'I'd leave Her you f***ing idiot, you don't half ask some stupid f***ing questions sometimes"

"Go and make us a cup of tea . . . And don't forget the f***ing chocolate digestives"!

When I came back with the tea the adverts were on.

Some album was being advertised and the 80's scandanavian power pop trio a-ha were playing.

"I f***ing hate these c***s"!

'What's wrong now Joe'?

"Well they sing The sun always shines on TV   you would think with all their chart success . . . they could afford a f***ing blind for the living room, bunch of c***s"

"Pass us one of them biscuits will ya"

Joe & Mick
Trellick Tower
5 Goldborne rd
London
W10

[AtomicDog]

Where's ya bin H? . . .

You been peddling dem books down the Hazza strip again?

Loving the hair Lad.

Who done dat Jacob & Erik in the Boro?

[AtomicDog]

I met Me little mate peter in the boozer the other day, he's only 4ft f**k all.

After a few pints he gets a bit excitable. He was trying to tell ME all about how to bake flatbread . . .

Honestly!! . 

I did like the pitta patter of the little fella like


I'm doing Parmo's for the family tonight, I'll also be making Delia Smith's cheesy dill bread.

So first I need Delia's cheesy dill dough

R Kipling
Bateman's
Burwash
East Sussex
South East

[In With the Lurpak]

Where's ya bin H? . . .

You been peddling dem books down the Hazza strip again?

Loving the hair Lad.

Who done dat Jacob & Erik in the Boro?

    

[AtomicDog]

I was in the Old man's park recently, playing with My ball.


When a ran to retrieve it I seen what looked like a gathering of ghouls, just near where the Old graves are against the wall.

One of the crowd wouldn't have looked out of place at Cromwell st, creepy looking kinda fella.

Anyway  . . .

As I ran to get My ball I noticed a Man standing near one of the gravestones.

Clutching his hands together, he was crying. . .

"Oh why did you die, why did you die"?


'Are you okay Lad'? I said

'Who was that, your wife'?

The Man looked at Me and said . . .

"No My wife's first husband" . . .

As I tottered off I noticed somebody else knelt by a grave . . .

'Morning' I said

I brought back memories of a story about our priest told Me about when he collapsed and was rushed to hospital.
On the way to the operating theatre he whispered to the nurse . . .

"Am I in heaven, this is such a wonderful place"?

The nurse said

'No father We're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward, we'll be there soon'


All of a sudden this irate, nomadic looking fella started chasing Me with a shovel shouting . .

"Get here you, ya little f***er I'm gonna make You dig your own grave, then do you in you little b*stard"!!

As I ran a bit faster I thought to myself

'F**k that if they're gonna do Me in I'd like to go how I've lived My life' . . .
Avoiding manual labour.

As you can gather I escaped, went to Rea's café  had a coke float and read the Gazette, to see how the Boro were getting on. As I was reading the obituaries I remembered something . . .

As an ode to all you at RR when I reach My time on this mortal coil.

I would like Lids, Johnny, Rich, The Colonel  plus two others (you can sort this out between yourselves at the avenue of trees, before you go to St Bede's) to lower Me into My place of rest.

That way you can all let Me down one last time
🐾
🐾

[Ural Quntz (Moderator)]

Fuck that for me lowering you - I'm avoiding manual labour

 

[AtomicDog]

Our neighbour banged on our bedroom wall at 04:30 this morning  . . .
Can you believe it!

Luckily we were still awake, listen to music.

They banged and shouted

"Can we have a little respect please"?

I shouted back

'I'm not normally a big Erasure fan . . . but this one's  for you.'

Smokey & Miracle
Hitsville USA
West Grand Boulevard
Detroit
Michigan

[In With the Lurpak]

    

[AtomicDog]

Me and Colin were watching an old repeat of top gear last night, think it was one produced by Nick Small.
That little annoying, shouty t*t, with the big eyes was doing a bit on the pros and cons of driverless cars . . .

Halfway through the segment Colin looked at Me with a confused look on his little face . . .
"Russ, you know these Boffin's that have invented these driverless cars"

'what about em Col' I said

"They don't seem to have thought the thing through very well, if you ask Me. The road's are already full of cars with driver's in them. To make the situation worse by introducing thousands of cars, with nobody in them at all seems like complete nonsense. And with no driver's to refuel them before the tanks run dry, they'll all eventually break down in the traffic anyway, so what's the point in that. I think it's a daft Idea"?

'Colin, do Me a favour son. Go and make us a cup of tea . . . Wonder woman's on in a bit'

Russ & Colin
Winchelsea
East Sussex

[In With the Lurpak]

[AtomicDog]

     







       

[AtomicDog]

Apparently Dinosaurs names are a mix of Latin and Greek . . .

If that's the case why are they depicted as wild savage creatures when they were more likely cultured bilingual creatures, with an appreciation of the classics.

Go on then answer that smartarses?

Socrates
Deme
 Alopece
Athens
Greece

[AtomicDog]

I've had to get some glasses from Specsavers recently as the old peepers are playing up a bit when I watch TV . . .


When I tried them on in the shop I said
'Colin how do I look in these Lad'?
He said
"Through the glass bit mate"

When we got home

I put My glasses on and settled down to watch Take the high rd on UKTV gold.

Colin said to Me

"Russ are those thick lens glasses"?

I replied

'No they're not, they  are My own Fathead'!

He asks the most stupid questions sometimes

Russ & Colin
Winchelsea
East Sussex

[AtomicDog]

I've just noticed that Saturday has the word 'Turd' in it . . .




Why aren't we taught interesting stuff like this at school, instead of boring algebra?

Lemmy
Burslem
Stoke-upon-Trent
Staffordshire

[AtomicDog]

I was in Albert park the other Day, doing My usual padding around, you know watching the local Kabaddi game, keeping My wit's about Me for the nasty Parkie . . .



Then all of a sudden I caught sight of what I can only describe as an 'English Rose' a total fine Filly. As she approached Me and patted Me on My head I thought
 'you're in ere Lad, play it cool'

She said

"Everytime you smile, I feel like inviting you back to My place"

 BINGO, I thought to myself! . . .

With My best patter I asked

'Are you single'?


"No"

She replied

"I work in Daniels the dentist, you know next door to where Alan Fearnley's use to be"

Bugger!

Nosher
Cumberland Rd
Boro

[AtomicDog]

As the weather has been pretty grim lately and we don't know if you knuckledragging racists are aware that Bull Terrier's don't like the rain, cold yeah?


Well it was Colin's birthday last week, got Him a suprise off Amazon, a jigsaw of Mount Everest Yeah?
"Is it to scale Russ Lad"
He asked

'No it's to put together!! start at the corners first Col, ya doyle ffs'

We've been entering competitions too, you know them in readers digest? . . .

We actually got to the final of

'Build a model railway of Appledore station'

 . . . But we lost on points.

Colin & Russ
Winchelsea
East Sussex

[In With the Lurpak]

For the Dog   

Volume up

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